random WHY's?

Friday, January 12, 2007

How come the thinnest part of me is my hair? I mean, come on! What woman wants thin hair? Not a one, I guarantee you that. My hairdresser and people with THICK hair are always going on about how they wish they had fine, thin hair like mine. "It's easier to style." Puhleeze. Like you want to trade your thick, luxurious hair for my limp scraggles. I don't think so.

And excuse me lady in the restaurant, I know that I'm not the only one who wants to take that Nextel Walkie-Talkie phone from you and either shove it right down your gaping mouth or sending it sailing out the window. If I wanted to hear BEEP... static...BEEP...garbled talk...BEEP I'd go to a construction site and hang out. Ever heard of using the ear piece instead of putting it on speaker phone? I'm sure that we all are just dying to hear your husband asking when you'll be home as you holler into the phone that you "need my ME TIME." Geez, lady. I'm thinking he needs HIS time away from you! I fantasize about getting up, walking calmly over to the next person that does this, removing the phone from their sweaty hand, and stomping on it with both feet. I'd guess this would likely earn me a round of applause and a dessert on the house or something...

Speaking of WHY: hey Ebeneezer Scrooge. How's about I just GIVE you that $.45 the cashier cheated you out of on your $212 purchase. I mean, come on. I'm standing here behind you waiting to purchase my 2 little towels and you're up there pitching a fit over $.45. I'll gladly pay you $5.00 if it means you leave and I don't have to listen to you anymore. In fact, here, take all the cash in my wallet - just take it and LEAVE. I'm so sure that the cashier was watching for you to come so she could scam you out of $.45. She's likely been hatching this evil, evil plan for weeks. Thinking about it at night, giggling maniacally at the thought of how she was going to really give you the shaft. Is it really necessary to use language like that? Arrrhhhh... next time I'll just steal the towels. Prison is better than standing in line behind you!

Why must people douse themselves with 5 ounces of perfume/cologne before leaving their home? I don't think that wearing a gas mask is going to help my image much - but if I don't, I'm likely to be like our fish out of water. Gasping my final breath as I flop about on the floor.

Perfume: a substance, extract, or preparation for diffusing or imparting an agreeable or attractive smell (dictionary.com)

See that? Any perfume in industrial portions isn't going to smell too nice anymore. Less is more. Bigger is not better. Next time, try just 2 little spritzes or consider bathing a bit more often. Liberal doses of your favorite Walmart perfume cannot hide the fact that you stink. Bad.