Port Angeles movie theaters - and the lack thereof

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Joe and I don't really get out much. When we do, it's usually to take in a movie. Having lived in Seattle, Tucson, DC area, and near SLC, UT - we're used to having nice big stadium seating theaters to go to.

Not here.

The closest *nice* theater is Gig Harbor which is 100 miles one way from here. There they have a beautiful, brand new, state of the art, fully digital theater with glorious stadium seating. Here they have old, worn out theaters that are years past their expiration.

There are 2 such places here to watch movies at. The first is a theater from circa 800 BC in downtown Port Angeles. As far as theaters go, it's the pits. There are 3 screens - 2 downstairs and one in the upstairs loft. One must creep up the rickety, narrow stairs and once you're up there, it's like a small club room or something. The seats are actually higher than the screen (which wouldn't be a bad thing if you were further than 30 feet away - the back row is *maybe* 30 feet away from the screen so it's really like sitting in a large living room and watching a movie) and the only good seats are in the front row... unless you enjoy counting the hairs on the person sitting directly in front of you. The seats are pretty worn out and I would guess they've lived through maybe 10+ lifetimes. They need replacing.

And believe it or not, that's the *good* theater in this place.

The 2 lower theaters are dreadful. We went to see HellBoy 2 on Monday night and what a nightmare. I cannot even decide where to begin.

I guess I'll start with the brilliant green EXIT sign that sits directly under the left side of the screen. This thing is so bright, you could hang it in the sky and it would light up the country. It was like the full moon and a trainwreck at the same time - you just couldn't. look. away. My retinas are permanently scarred from the harsh green laser beams that came from that sign.

The movie only covered the middle 75% of the screen so the sides were blank screen. Huh? I cannot honestly recall a time when a movie didn't fill the screen. What are we - in the dark ages or something? When we asked the night person about it after the movie, she said something about the movie not being pan. Whatever that means. Actually, I'll tell you what it means - though they charge enough to gain admission to this theater that one must mortgage their home to get in, that money isn't goinging to bringing in quality. No, they're using it somewhere else... far outside the theater. But the size of the film was only half of the equation - the sound only came out of the front speakers. No side speakers!

That means that in the midst of the heavy action scenes where I should have been vibrating in my seat and my teeth should have been rattling around in my skull, instead you could hear the person 10 rows back cleaning the popcorn out of his teeth. Yum. Just what I wanted to pay $9.50 to listen to.

And that brings me to gripe #... what number am I on now? Well, whatever. They charge $9.50/person to get in to this rattrap! Come on! We can get into the digital theater in Gig Harbor for the same price and amazingly enough, they actually take CC's there. Here you have to march to the bank and get some cash out if you plan to watch a movie. Welcome to the modern age where even an ebay seller takes credit cards. Good grief.

Finally, the screen itself is like 20 feet above the seats so you're practically lying on your back before you're able to really view the screen. Nothing like getting close and personal with the lap of the person behind you.

The other theater, Deer Park, is newer but still way past the expiration date. The $2 theaters in podunk VA are better than the Deer Park theater. And like it's ancient cousin downtown, this theater also snubs the plastic money and only accepts the paper variety. At least the seats aren't located 2 floors beneath the screen but once your rear hits the seat, you're immediately on your back. So in order to be even remotely comfy it requires bringing pillows in to shove between your back and the seat back. Nothing like walking into the theater on a Friday night carrying your pillow. Wow, we're cool now.

After HB the other night, that was the final straw. We're officially on strike and will not be patronizing either Port Angeles theater again. Better to make the 200 mile round trip drive to GH and do a double, or even a triple!, header and see the movies in comfort and style.

The joys of living in a town that is against growth and modernization. One of these days I'll do a post that shows just where this gets you. There are a myriad of abandoned buildings and defunct businesses around here - it's quite astounding. Burger King is an empty building in a weed field now... BK. Every other town in the country is adding fast food and here they are fleeing. Go figure that one out!